Gracie's World: The Diary of a Small, Quiet Cat

gracie's world

january 2002

January 1, 2002

Dear Muffin,

I am a cat what are you.

Love,

Gracie

January 3, 2002

Dear Muffin,

How are you. I am fine. The weather here ~~sucks~~ is OK.

I have a brother Ben. He pukes alot.

Yours,

Gracie

January 5, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Please excuse the bad spelling and grammar as I am using a typewriter. Also I do not write letters generally speaking and so am not exactly sure of the protocol.

What I want to know is do you have a Farm Show.

We do! It is so fun. We go there and we have roasted trouts on sticks. There are zillions of cows also sheep.

Anyways, I was wondering if you have a Farm Show.

Sincerely,

Gracie

January 7, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Hello this is Gracie. I am wearing a pretty nice sweater.

This sweater was knittled by real Skandanavian sheep. It has some deer on it with hoofs and antlers and everything.

It cost a zillion dollars or something.

It is extremely hard to knit antlers believe me. If you are not good they look like varycose veins.

This sweater it used to be Moms but then Chessie boiled it with some hot dogs. It is now cat size.

Sincerely,

Gracie De LaRue

January 8, 2002

Dear Muffin:

I have these 2 little sisters they are Chessie and Snooples. Chessie takes ballet lessons and she has a lime green top with sparkles all over it and a lime green too too
as well as lime green tights which the knees bag.

Snooples has to take Prozac.

That is on account of Snooples suffers from pre-traumatic stress disorder. That is where you get stressed out over something that has not happened yet usually in a future
life.

Snooples, she has alot of future lives. One time she will be a naked mole rat which isn't so great. One time she will be a heroic soldier and one time a protozoa
whatever that is. One time she will be a steam iron. In this one future life somebody scares her with big shoes.

That is why Snooples must take Prozac.

Best,

Gracie

January 9, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Sometimes we have for breakfast scraggled eggs. Scraggled eggs are made of chicken eggs.

But I guess you could use any kind of egg now that I think about it.

When you make scraggled eggs you have to use a little dab of milk otherwise they are bad.

One time when I was a little bitty kid I took an egg and hid it and it stank up the house. Little kids around here don't know anything about eggs.

Do you enjoy breakfast if so what.

Regards,

Gracie

January 10, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Hello again this is Gracie writing a letter.

Weakie says years ago everybody wrote piles of letters. That was before e-mail. How the
letters got to everybody beats me.

Regards,

Gracie

January 11, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Did you know chest freezers are dangerous. They are. If you see a chest freezer sitting out in the middle of the woods you are supposed to run like hell.

Please write back and tell me about some dangerous stuff. I am very interested.

Regards,

Gracie

January 12, 2002

Dear Muffin,

You might be interested to know that I have a pet snake. His name is Blackie. He is 9 feet long. He likes pork. He is a pretty nice snake.

Do you like snakes I do.

Regards,

Gracie De LaRue

January 13, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Here is a funny story. One time my pet snake swallowed Chessie half way on account of she is small and Pia and I had to haul Chessie out by the armpits. It was pretty funny.

Love,

Gracie

January 14, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Actually I'd appreciate it if you would not tell anybody that I have this snake. I am not supposed to have this snake. On account of this snake is a WILD ANIMAL and you are supposed to LEAVE WILD ANIMALS IN THE WILD.

What do you do with wild animals over there.

Love,

Gracie

January 15, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Sometimes we play this really fun game when it is nice outdoors it is called Whiffle the Mouse. You use plastic litter scoops and each team has different colored scoops.

First you catch a mouse, see. Then you string up the mouse by its

Maybe you are a mouse. In which case, never mind, we do not play that game.

Yours Truly,

Gracie

January 16, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Do you like to cook I do.

One time I made a souffle which exploded okra pods everywhere.

Please write back as this is weird.

Yours,

Gracie

January 17, 2004

Dear Muffin,

Maybe I have insulted you which is why you don't seem to be writing back. Maybe you are a mouse for all I know.

Please clarify.

Gracie

January 18, 2002

Muffin:

I guess maybe you don't realize this but I am your Pen Pal.

Weakie is making us do this. She made us pick Pen Pals off this list, see.

Anyways, if you were not supposed to be on this list maybe you should contact the authorities or something.

Here is a pitcher of Ben

a pitcher of ben

January 19, 2002

Muffin:

Weakie says these Pen Pal letters are supposed to be very descriptive and describe our Native Land. Otherwise our Pen Pals will think we are lame and maybe not write back.

Nobody I know has a Native Land except maybe Ben. We all grew up around here.

Gracie

January 20, 2002

Muffin,

Weakie says we are supposed to write about what it is like in the United States, as everybody is wondering what the hell is going on over here.

Not much.

What can I say it is the United States. I think it is one of those things where you have to be there.

Best,

Gracie

January 21, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Weakie says we are supposed to write about our flora and fauna, also what we think
makes a tasty snack.

Here is what I think makes a tasty snack: lamb shanks.

Best,

Gracie De LaRue

January 22, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Please write back so I know whether to keep writting these letters or tell Weakie to stuff it.

G

January 23, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Maybe you prefer e-mail. Here is my e-mail address for this week:

[email protected]

Later,

Gracie

January 25, 2002

Muffin,

If you think this Pen Pal thing is as lame as I do send some kind of signal so I can quit writing. A severed ear or something.

G

January 26, 2002

Dearest Gracie,

So sorry I have not responded sooner! Was starving to death. Am better now!

Please write back, as am terribly excited about having a Pen Pal in the United States!

Hugs,

Muffin

January 28, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Well you are writing back.

If the food situation there is that bad I can send you a pork roast.

Please advise.

Gracie

January 30, 2002

Dearest Gracie,

No, no, starving to death is no longer a looming thing! The civil war has ended for a little while and we are rebuilding our lovely ancient cities. We have many delicious foods once again!

May I can perhaps send you some of our fine delicacies? Would you care for some nice samples of our famous butter pats?

In the United States you have such fine foods! I would be very much pleased to try a hot dog!

Hugs,

Muffin

January 31, 2002

Dear Muffin,

Okay I will not send a pork roast.

Gracie

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